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2012 Spring Rock-R Rendezvous

By March 3, 2012Past Events

Spring 2012 Rock-R Rendezvous

March 3, 2012

“F-The Rules! You guys ROCK!” — Rock-R Brian

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How do I explain this? Well, it seems that after I downloaded a new App for my pre-release iPhone6 I hit some button or set some setting that started a photoshop effect pulsing in my head. Or was it the combination of no sleep, loads of coffee, plenty of wine, and few from column D? “Crap!”, I thought, “Just before the Rock-R Rendezvous, too!” Looking around, I realized just how wonderfully colorful R-World is… Very groovy!

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R-kick-ass “Road Crew” was working their magic, setting the stage: Music and lighting, R-newest wine releases…

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…and suddenly there were Rock-Rs pouring in, looking for their club orders and some liquid refreshment. “Wow, at least my normal vision is coming back…”, I thought silently (did I say it out loud?). Hmmmm…

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Just then, a sorceress, who was clearly in cahoots with the iPhone demons, hit me with more mind waves. I rushed out the door to escape her grasp but it was too late… I reached fresh air as the vision-pulses returned.

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“Damn… It’s a munchie-madness spell, too!” My mouth began to water like Pavlov’s dog.

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I had to pull it together, find a way to maintain. Rock-Rs were arriving, flash bulbs were popping, music thumping. “Will they notice how bright they are?”

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Cool… it’s my family, and good friends. Thank God! They are in focus, not too much color, and they don’t smell like food (yet).

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Who is this artisan? What government agency does he work for? What manner of torture symbols are these? A tax collector? Will I, too, be marked with the sign of the beast? “Watch out! He’s got an iPhone6 !!!”

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Suddenly…. Classic Rock! Here is an anchor to which my mind can cling. Be strong. Focus. Groove.
But then, as I struggled to wrench control of my mind away from the e-waves, the sirens wailed…

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…and I immediately answered their seductive call, slipping back into the abyss. “Damn you evil Rock-Rs with your awesome hair styles, fashionable glasses, and intriguing smells…” I surrendered, allowing my mind to crash again and again, as if upon rocks in a turbulent sea.

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In and out of focus, under the water and then above it…

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Through a distant haze, this must be a dream…. cowboys? Where are the Indians? Look at these tiny, little Rock-Rs… probably shorter than anyone in Tobin’s gang! Ha! “Did we check your ID’s?” Did I say that out loud?

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The fog returns, an otherworldly glow melting into… BLACK and WHITE !?!

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My thoughts were still focused on the ironic cliche when I was seized first by “smilers”, then by hard-core “tongue people”. Their infamous secret signal captured my imagination…

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The spell broke again, like a Malaria fever… which means briefly. Maybe it was their starkly contrasting colors, like a strobe light snaps an epileptic.

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“They seem friendly, not threatening. Is it just a clever disguise? Or might I have finally found quasi-human life?

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Oh please, God, don’t let them be New Yorkers! Especially NOT Yankee fans!”

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“Too late! A Puerto Rican!” (Did I just say that out loud?)

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“Just act natural. Pretend like you don’t care what they eat for dinner. It’s probably chicken, right?”

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Hey, wait! I’m back to normal, right? Test it… Test it…. Do I like Fox News? Do I like news at all? Shit!… I can’t imagine how to be blindly subservient! I guess I’m still not normal. But I’ll try… Focus. Focus!

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It didn’t work. I’m an obedient drone, but trapped in the mind of an iconoclast!

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From the corner of my eye I notice I am being watched… who is this secret agent? What does he want? Why does he pulse and flip? What has he been drinking? Did we check his ID?

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My mind is racing. I clinch to hold my emotions back, pretending to be unaware of the evil plan.

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I move to mask my tell-tale eyes behind inconspicuous glasses, but my anger overwhelms me and spills forth…

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… which apparently amuses these vile creatures. “My pain is your fun?” The vision-pulse returns to my aching head.

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In desperation, I cry out in a falsetto voice… like three tom-cats fighting.

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The puppet master watches me from a comfortable distance… and cranks up the Karaoke voice-control device.

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It is clear that this machine stuns the mind, aborts common sense, and commands the will of all within its range. “Must…. try…. to…. break… free….”

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Before I know it, my legs — like those of all around me — are gyrating to their own rhythm.
Chants are encanted, magic elixirs consumed, effigies sacrificed…

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…and the sirens again bid swabbies to dream their ships onto the rocks.

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Floating high above the fray, I played witness to debauchery, helpless to intervene.

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It takes a brave man to admit when both tide and wind are against you. Your only hope is surrender.

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And so I did. We all did.

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It colored R-world…

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I, in turn, was colored by it.

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R-beautiful world… because all of you are in it!

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From R-winery to all of R-Fans,
THANK YOU for making this a beautiful world!

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