Spring 2012 Rock-R Rendezvous
March 3, 2012
“F-The Rules! You guys ROCK!” — Rock-R Brian
How do I explain this? Well, it seems that after I downloaded a new App for my pre-release iPhone6 I hit some button or set some setting that started a photoshop effect pulsing in my head. Or was it the combination of no sleep, loads of coffee, plenty of wine, and few from column D? “Crap!”, I thought, “Just before the Rock-R Rendezvous, too!” Looking around, I realized just how wonderfully colorful R-World is… Very groovy!
R-kick-ass “Road Crew” was working their magic, setting the stage: Music and lighting, R-newest wine releases…
…and suddenly there were Rock-Rs pouring in, looking for their club orders and some liquid refreshment. “Wow, at least my normal vision is coming back…”, I thought silently (did I say it out loud?). Hmmmm…
Just then, a sorceress, who was clearly in cahoots with the iPhone demons, hit me with more mind waves. I rushed out the door to escape her grasp but it was too late… I reached fresh air as the vision-pulses returned.
“Damn… It’s a munchie-madness spell, too!” My mouth began to water like Pavlov’s dog.
I had to pull it together, find a way to maintain. Rock-Rs were arriving, flash bulbs were popping, music thumping. “Will they notice how bright they are?”
Cool… it’s my family, and good friends. Thank God! They are in focus, not too much color, and they don’t smell like food (yet).
Who is this artisan? What government agency does he work for? What manner of torture symbols are these? A tax collector? Will I, too, be marked with the sign of the beast? “Watch out! He’s got an iPhone6 !!!”
Suddenly…. Classic Rock! Here is an anchor to which my mind can cling. Be strong. Focus. Groove.
But then, as I struggled to wrench control of my mind away from the e-waves, the sirens wailed…
…and I immediately answered their seductive call, slipping back into the abyss. “Damn you evil Rock-Rs with your awesome hair styles, fashionable glasses, and intriguing smells…” I surrendered, allowing my mind to crash again and again, as if upon rocks in a turbulent sea.
In and out of focus, under the water and then above it…
Through a distant haze, this must be a dream…. cowboys? Where are the Indians? Look at these tiny, little Rock-Rs… probably shorter than anyone in Tobin’s gang! Ha! “Did we check your ID’s?” Did I say that out loud?
The fog returns, an otherworldly glow melting into… BLACK and WHITE !?!
My thoughts were still focused on the ironic cliche when I was seized first by “smilers”, then by hard-core “tongue people”. Their infamous secret signal captured my imagination…
The spell broke again, like a Malaria fever… which means briefly. Maybe it was their starkly contrasting colors, like a strobe light snaps an epileptic.
“They seem friendly, not threatening. Is it just a clever disguise? Or might I have finally found quasi-human life?
Oh please, God, don’t let them be New Yorkers! Especially NOT Yankee fans!”
“Too late! A Puerto Rican!” (Did I just say that out loud?)
“Just act natural. Pretend like you don’t care what they eat for dinner. It’s probably chicken, right?”
Hey, wait! I’m back to normal, right? Test it… Test it…. Do I like Fox News? Do I like news at all? Shit!… I can’t imagine how to be blindly subservient! I guess I’m still not normal. But I’ll try… Focus. Focus!
It didn’t work. I’m an obedient drone, but trapped in the mind of an iconoclast!
From the corner of my eye I notice I am being watched… who is this secret agent? What does he want? Why does he pulse and flip? What has he been drinking? Did we check his ID?
My mind is racing. I clinch to hold my emotions back, pretending to be unaware of the evil plan.
I move to mask my tell-tale eyes behind inconspicuous glasses, but my anger overwhelms me and spills forth…
… which apparently amuses these vile creatures. “My pain is your fun?” The vision-pulse returns to my aching head.
In desperation, I cry out in a falsetto voice… like three tom-cats fighting.
The puppet master watches me from a comfortable distance… and cranks up the Karaoke voice-control device.
It is clear that this machine stuns the mind, aborts common sense, and commands the will of all within its range. “Must…. try…. to…. break… free….”
Before I know it, my legs — like those of all around me — are gyrating to their own rhythm.
Chants are encanted, magic elixirs consumed, effigies sacrificed…
…and the sirens again bid swabbies to dream their ships onto the rocks.
Floating high above the fray, I played witness to debauchery, helpless to intervene.
It takes a brave man to admit when both tide and wind are against you. Your only hope is surrender.
And so I did. We all did.
It colored R-world…
I, in turn, was colored by it.
R-beautiful world… because all of you are in it!
From R-winery to all of R-Fans,
THANK YOU for making this a beautiful world!